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There is nothing so beautiful as watching my husband dote lovingly on our three year old son. Young children can really bring out the tenderness in men and it’s just lovely to watch.

Rebalancing relationships

Women have had a hard time standing up to be witnessed as the incredible beings that they are for centuries in this patriarchal world and slowly but surely this imbalance is being addressed. Women are finding the courage to know their capabilities and strengths and are developing a belief in the possibility of equality. There’s a long way to go but we are celebrating women’s success which is no longer based upon needing to be like the alpha male in order to survive. Just as women are being given permission to be both soft and strong, the status quo and dynamics in male – female relationships are being re-addressed. This begs the question, what does this mean for our men?

Teamwork to make the dream work

I hear frequently through life and work with my male clients that women are rejecting the archetype of the domestic goddess and are expecting men to share in the family cooking, cleaning and childcare. I get it – believe me, but are we at risk of expecting too much and setting our men up to fail (while still expecting them to bring in the money, provide, protect, repair, romance, maintain, take the bins out etc). There’s no wonder that resentments can build up on both sides. Maybe it’s time that we advocate ‘teamwork to make the dream work’?

Happiest when we find our balance

There are masculine and feminine attributes in both men and women and we are actually happiest when we are in balance and not denying an aspect of ourselves because we have been conditioned by parents, peers or society to have to be a certain way. A good man is a work of beauty and art. He stands firm, yielding to the rising tides of his counterpart but remains still in his centre – a rock. We women don’t need our men to fix us or our problems, we need to be listened to and understood.

Grant permission to lead through kindness and compassion

While women desire connection, men represent and desire freedom, so let’s support our men to be great – to be balanced, sensitive, and give them permission to lead through kindness and compassion having fought the tiresome competitive fight for years. Because of these old conditioned patterns, many men have still assumed a ‘power over’ position with women which has created contraction and frustration for many, and an air of guilt and defensiveness underneath the veil for the masculine collective. Let us celebrate our men, and the struggle that they have endured to protect and provide. We all need liberation from the old roles, beliefs and expectation of what it is to be a man or a woman.

Celebrate each other’s attributes, gifts and qualities

The internal alchemy of the masculine and feminine brings much internal power and grace; the same exists within the masculine and feminine relationships. What would happen if we stopped needing each other to fulfil parts of ourselves that have been repressed and started celebrating each other’s attributes, gifts and qualities, enabling ourselves to be whole and integrated?

Balance restored for both sexes

This is our collective journey. Let’s all liberate each other from old expectations and roles—this is what’s required in the creation of the new Earth—balance restored for both sexes. The empowered divine feminine energy is now anchored in the earth’s plane. It’s assimilation time for both men and women. Allow, allow, surrender and allow. More love, more balance is upon us.

Nikki Gresham-Record

If you have seen the video clip on Resistance, you will have understood that releasing resistance is a big part of gaining subconscious belief change. This is a written explanation of why it is necessary, because understanding these principles really helps the process of surrender to change.

We exist in our thoughts most of the time, having experiences that are driven by our subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is believed to be like a tape recorder, pattern matching cues from the environment to our past and playing back old programs defined by our core beliefs. Our core beliefs are imprinted upon the subconscious mind in early childhood (our first 7 years), and through repeated emotionally charged experience.

Our core beliefs in essence, create our realities, as they are the filters through which we perceive and operate within the world. If we believe something is so, we behave accordingly, informed by the subconscious programs that run effortlessly for us.

If we have been running negative programs, it is for good reason and we have an attachment to safety, ease and self-preservation due to our (or the ancestral, collective, or soul level) previous experiences. Stepping into love, empowerment, safety, possibility, success and so on , means releasing the cellular memories and echos of separation, disempowerment, unsafely, limitation, failure etc which ultimately means allowing them to come into consciousness, into the light, to simply be witnessed, accepted, acknowledged and released. It is important in this process to detach from the energies that we have been holding for many years. Just because we have been feeling old feelings and fearing these vibrations, does not mean that we need to keep feeling and fearing them.

Raising our vibrations

In order to gain release energetically, and re-write a new template reality, we must RAISE our vibration. This is easiest done by coming into emptiness. The more we use the qigong wuji stance and Surender as an empty vessel between heaven and earth, the more our own energy system comes into balance, we connect with oneness and energy can easily move through us. Belief change is a little like the dance of the yin and yang. We take on distortions from our family and wider culture, taking us out of balance, and in order to release them, we need to allow our subconscious mind, or body mind (as this largely involves the visceral feelings) to surrender them to the earth or heavens (cosmos), so we may find balance and equilibrium.

Focusing upon the elevated belief and its direction toward love, possibility, truth and so on, whilst practicing emptiness, allows the resistance (fear of this reality and attachment to the known unprefered reality) to surface into consciousness. If we can then maintain our state of surrender, we can allow the higher ‘unconscious mind’ to align us with the higher truth of who we are as eternal beings of light, consciousness itself.

Allow release and realign

Allowing release of any kind, tears, yawning, breath work, releasing muscle tension, jerking, shaking from the place of emptiness, without going into the old stories or creating resistance to them, brings us very quickly (while using the movement and activating the hemispheres of the brain) into realignment, ultimately with our higher mind or inner being. We are simply returning to self, less the previous distortions. All of us are worthy of love, compassion, kindness and inclusion.

As we realign and build a resonance to new expansive, loving beliefs, we achieve a complete shift in vibration. Belief change, enables us to raise our vibration, so that we may experience higher vibrational feeling states, such as joy, love, excitement and possibility.

Achieve alignment – your inner work is done

If we contemplate the theory that the external world is a mirror reflection of your internal state and the outside world is looking good, then you will know that you have done your inner work. The ultimate possibility arises when the subconscious mind, is in alignment with the higher mind, drawing toward you whatever your soul is wishing to create or experience.

We all have people in our lives that we believe have ‘done wrong to us’, and as a consequence, we unconsciously become attached to the old story and pain. We adopt beliefs about ourselves, the world and others, through a heightened repeated stress response or through early childhood, that keep these stories running via the subconscious mind, keeping us attached to our pain. Occasionally I see clients who wish to remain attached to their story, a helplessness or victimhood, but most of the time, the large majority of people want freedom yet don’t know ‘how’ to acquire it. Moving beyond the stories and suffering, means detaching and choosing love.

Our experiences shape us; they don’t need to define us

First we must come to identify with the self that is perfect, whole and not in need of healing. This helps us to truly understand that we are not our stories, our beliefs, our emotions or a victim of our past. It is easy for us to construct an identity based upon our experiences. Our experiences do shape us, but they do not need to define us. All experience, enables growth if we choose to move beyond perceived limitation into a heart opening compassionate acceptance of what is.

We are all doing our best

Second, we can adopt the premise that we are all doing our best, given our level of awareness and our personal conditioning. We are all capable of hurting others and it is a hurt person that hurts another. If we think about our own capacity to be hurtful, this is expressed because of the pain that we are carrying. We either perceive events through our own distorted belief systems, or we are busy trying to not feel our pain or limitation, and so externalise it upon another. Have you ever had that brief moment of relief when you see your own expression (or pain) hurting another? It is short lived, either guilt and self-loathing arise, or the other person hurts you back and the heart-walls, defences and mistrust build; making honest, open and loving relationships difficult. We are all part of the collective consciousness and everyone carries wounds. It is our responsibility (and here is where freedom lies therein) to heal our wounds. When we stop looking outward to blaming others for our experiences and suffering, then we can draw a line in the sand and do our inner work to freedom. While ever we are blaming others, or doing ‘victimhood’, we are giving our wellbeing and happiness away to others, or to circumstance. This gives our power away.

Begin to heal

Once we take responsibility for our distortions, feelings and circumstance, we can start to heal and become empowered creators of our own truth and reality. Belief change is my preferred go-to, as the subconscious belief programs run the show, informing our perceptions and behaviours 95% of the time. There is a powerful forgiveness protocol in the Healing InSight method, but in addition, I wanted to acknowledge the power of the simple Hawaiian healing tool Ho’oponopono. This is a simple powerful healing practice, that demonstrated through research, brings peace of heart and mind in self and others, assisting in detachment from painful relationships. The traditional practice, created by Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len, suggests repetition in focused mindful meditation of the following four statements: – I’m Sorry – (Repentance)
– Please Forgive Me – (Forgiveness)
– Thank You – (Gratitude)
– I Love You – (Love)

We need not hold the person in mind, or speak directly to them in our minds. Doing our inner work and engaging with the vibration of the above words and sentiments. This works on the premise that all of life is a reflection of our inner world, when we make peace inwardly, then the outer world reflection, is also peaceful. To be liberated from our stories, we liberate ourselves from the inside out. That said, holding an intention to bring healing to a particular person or relationship should go some way to achieving that. Repeat these four statements, with meaning and feeling, as a sacred practice for 9 or 18 minutes, daily for 9 days (as a guide).

Blessings of light, love and freedom, Nikki x